The opportunity presented itself late the previous night. After weeks of trying to get our schedules in accordance for an interview, the Secretary press attaché confirmed us a free spot in the afternoon. We therefore finally met just outside the Rechtswissenschaftliche Bibliothek, the law library of the University of Zurich for a raw and unfiltered sit-down with ZuMun Secretary-General Jessica Fenger.
After a brief introduction, we tell her the guidelines we unexpectedly receive “my editor in Reykjavik called me this morning, and apparently there are some people called millennials and gen z and there are like a lot of them, especially abroad. Since those articles will be written in English, she asked me to make an article tailored for millennials to get a larger reach abroad. So, our focus group, with the help of Zach Galifianakis, came up with a few questions to really captivate this audience and also, we believe, any participant of the conference. Is that fine with you?”
“I’m always glad to talk about the conference in any form or shape”
Anxious but also thrilled by the level of access obtained we proceed to start our interview.
“ZuMun has always been held in Zurich. Have you ever thought of innovating a little bit and having ZuMUN in Basel or Geneva? Because Zurich all the time it just gets too repetitive”
“Yes, that’s a very good question, but don’t think for one second you’re the first to raise it. My team and I worked a lot around this issue, we held weekly meetings, consulted all our partners, asked the opinion of the previous secretaries, and so on. However, we very soon came to the conclusion, or should I say the evidence, that it was essential that ZuMUN be held in a city and since Zurich is the only real city in Switzerland this is where ZuMUN is held.”
“Do you endorse Matthew McConaughey’s candidature for governor of Texas?”
“only if he starts every single speech by saying alright, alright, alright (imitates McConaughey’s accent in Dazed and Confused)”
“Now moving to a perhaps more controversial topic for some of our readers, but that we believe must be tackled. Rachel and Ross, once and for all, can you tell us, were they on a break?”
“Yes, they were, I’m sorry but they totally were. Rachel should just get over herself.”
“Why didn’t you invite Kamala Harris to the opening ceremony?”
“Obviously, we all know how close Kamala and I are. But lately, she has become more distant, doesn’t return my calls, and seems to avoid me. Look I don’t really know what happened but I’m afraid it’s an ego issue. When you level up some friends just can’t get over it, your success scares them, so they avoid you. And the position of Secretary-General at ZuMUN creates exactly that effect.”
Why ZuMUN and not ZurMUN, do you like all Swiss Germans have an aversion to the letter “r”? if so, why is that?
“Oh you mean because of the way Swiss-germans tend to roll “r”, haha, no it’s much simpler than that and I’m glad to set the record straight. I just don’t believe in putting two consonants (speech sound) right after each other for a conference name before the obligatory MUN. Some conferences do that, there is no denial about that, that’s why we won’t name them, but we just think it’s ugly, like really ugly to be honest with you.”
“Does it hurt to know that this conference is the closest you will ever get to integrate ETH?”
“I could still do a master there, but for you, this is the closest you will ever get to integrate ETH”
“Is it because of the complaints from HSG students in the previous editions that you suppressed the boat tour?”
“What is HSG?”
On that high note, we conclude our interview and return to the conference floor.
Picture: Andrea Piacquadio, Pexels
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